So my next book, LONG LIVE THE SUICIDE KING, is coming out in April of 2014. This is gonna be a tough one, folks. This doesn’t have the nice little hook that my first novel, THE NEVER PRAYER, had. Demons, angels, love, Twilight-esque themes—that was easy to sell.
Suicide? Not really what some people want to read about. Others, well, they want an “issues” book, right? My wife loved to come home in middle school and read all about the afterschool special topics of the day: drug addiction, surviving divorce, teen prostitution, et cetera. And yeah, suicide is in there as well.
I’m going to be talking a lot about suicide in the coming year, and I’m going to have to answer the question: why suicide?
What do the experts say we should write about? Write what you know. And I know about suicide. Ask anyone I went to high school with. Everyone knew I was on the edge, and some thought I did it for attention, and some thought I did it to be cool, but I was suicidal because I found normal, dull, boring life completely overwhelming. I wanted to die. Or I wanted answers to the big questions: why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Is there a God?
In my book, my hero goes around asking people why they go on. He asks the question, why not suicide? Not many people have a good answer to that question. Or maybe a lot of people don’t want to admit that they even have self-destructive thoughts. Or maybe, for many people, they are happy, or at least fairly content, and they don’t think about suicide at all. And never have.
I truly hope there are such happy, contented people out there. I have my doubts.
I would love to be fairly content, but I’m not. I need answers, and here I am, thirty years later. I still want answers. I’m not suicidal today, but that’s because I understand now that I don’t have all that much time left, and there are cool things in this world, really cool, not-to-be-missed stuff. And I’ve learned not to trust what I think.
So I wrote a book about suicide, about the search for meaning, and it has all the themes I love to write about: atheism, drug addiction, hope, and hopelessness and love.
I love my little book. I’m proud it’s going to find a way out into the world.
I’m looking forward to this book. And I’m so looking forward to some day meeting you in person. HUGS, honey!
Christina Ashworth! RWA 2015! Let’s do it! Or RT, gotta go to RT. Or I’ll try and make it down to Southern California….
I guess I was the same way, Aaron. I wondered why I was here. I was a Christian. My parents brought us up in the church and then when my twin and I were about 12 years old, he started molesting us(my father, that is). But even before that, I would sit in fast food restaurants and look around and see the other families as well as my own and wonder, “is that happiest?”, “could I do that?” and be happy. I was miserable. After I was grown and had a family of my own I thought of suicide ALL the time. One night, I sat at our kitchen table with a knife in my hand for hours as my husband slept, contemplating suicide. I’ve wanted to die half my life…I couldn’t tell you why. And then the big B.A. (brain aneurysm) came and I really prayed to die. After I learned to talk, sit up, stand up, brush my teeth, etc., etc., etc., all the things a new born child would learn to do, I was in constant pain…nerve pain to my legs and feet from the brain damage and I REALLY wanted to die…then as time when by and I realize the pain wasn’t ever going to get better, God was still there looking out for me. You see, He had saved my life. I didn’t think there was much left to be saving…but He did. And He has answered just about every prayer I have asked of Him since then. He has been here for me…and I’m not kidding. I still hurt every day, but He has lifted me! Have you ever heard that old song…He lifted me? Well, I don’t remember all the words, but those three. I just know He has…lifted me, that is. I know I have bored you to death, so before you start stinking, I’ll shut this thing down and call it a night. Good night, my friend.
Good night, Kaye! I wish you peace and rest. Finding comfort despite the pain, that really is the trick.