How to Fight Despair

I’m not going to get all dictionary on you guys.  The words I’m about to use, I’ll define by how I understand them.  I’m gonna get totally subjective.  You’ve been warned.

Despair, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, self-destructive behavior, you know what I’m talking about.  Life is a shit sandwich and every day is another bite.  In other words, despair.

I like despair.  I trust despair.  I firmly believe that the worst possible thing will happen and we’ll all be killed and die and be killed some more, or we’ll be crippled, wounded, hurting, in pain beyond endurance.  Yeah, despair is my buddy.  Hello darkness, my old friend…

My default position is despair.  I generally bypass sad and go straight for helpless, hopeless despair.

Do you know what I use to fight despair?  Well, not fight, really.  Any war I fight in my own mind, I always lose.  I can’t fight my despair.  Not a bit.  It’s like the tar baby, or the blob, when I hit it, despair grabs my fist and pulls me inside it.

Instead, my despair is like a huge clockwork structure of madness and sorrow.  But I have a screwdriver to dismantle it, and that tool is called gratitude.

I had a spiritual adviser who taught me about gratitude.  Let’s define gratitude as finding a hundred dollars in your coat pocket when the rent is due.  Or when you’ve lost your wallet, and someone has turned it into Lost and Found with all the cash tucked away.  Gratitude is that feeling of having been gifted.  Gratitude.  Thankfulness.  Thank God I didn’t get in that car accident this morning.  Thank God I didn’t send that scathing email.  Thank God.

Gratitude.

So back a while ago, when I was trapped in my clock tower of despair, I called my spiritual adviser, and before you think it was some guru on a mountaintop, my adviser was a shower glass installer.  He had thick fingers, dead-skinned white knuckles, and dirt in the lines of his palm.  But he was my guide and he was very, very wise.

My heavy-glass guru listened while I complained about life, about my sad, mad sorrows, and he said, “Aaron, be grateful you’re not on fire.”
I stopped.  Yeah, I wasn’t on fire.  Right now, where I’m at, in this second, I am not on fire.  I’m not in great physical pain. I’m okay.  Generally, for every minute I’ve lived, I’ve been okay.  I’ve been relatively safe.

But I forget.  My mind races.  I regret the past and fear the future.  I forget to be grateful of the little things.

And it’s the little things that either kill us or destroy us.

For example, at Starbucks I get coffee with steamed soy.  It’s really good and only costs me $1.73.  In the early morning, when I sit down in my special spot on the back wall by the window, and it’s dark outside, I sip my coffee-soy goodness, and then I get to work writing.

Life is sweet.  Too bad I forget to be grateful for all the sweetness.

I Get Serious, Silly, and a Little Witchy Woman with Author Elizabeth Cheryl

I’m nervous about doing this interview. You don’t get it, I don’t get it, no one understands! I read Elizabeth Cheryl’s book, The Summerland, and generally I don’t get a chance to read the books for the people I interview. This time, I did. Should make the interview easy, right? You would think, but that’s not the case. I think it’s because the book revolves around death, love, desire, witches, time travel, general angst. It’s the dirt where I call home, but again, so nervous! Inexplicable! But I have a plan. Let me talk first about the fabulous Elizabeth Cheryl.

Elizabeth Cheryl has spent many years researching the phenomenon of witchcraft in Europe and New England. She was born and raised in Northern California. Her mother, Cheryl and her family were from a small town in Massachusetts called Newton. After moving to California in 1968, Elizabeth’s mother began exploring her role as a woman in the modern-day church. Elizabeth grew up over the years learning and absorbing her mother’s spiritual teachings through many types of religions.

And let’s talk about her book, The Summerland.

Abigail thought her life was almost normal—until she awoke in the year 1692. When Abigail Parker graduated from high school, she thought she was going to spend her summer enjoying social events with her friends and prepping for college. But after the sudden death of her mother, she was forced to move to Salem, Massachusetts, with her eccentric Aunt Bridgette. Unearthing an old book from her closet, Abigail begins a journey like no other……..

 

Elizabeth will always have a special place in my heart. We bonded at RT, and as most writers know, conferences have a way of forging relationships like war. In the end, writing is more about war than most things, so I guess that makes sense.

So, this is what I am going to do. I am going to start out deadly serious and work my way to silly. Cover me, I’m going in.

Aaron: A lot of YA novels start out with the main character struggling with the death of a parent. My own YA novel, The Never Prayer, has such a start. But for you, things are different. You lost your mother during the writing of the book. How did that affect your book?

Elizabeth: Well first of all I wanted to thank you for having me on your very fun and thrilling blog. I always enjoy working and writing with you. We had a lot of fun at RT, my BFF!

But to answer your first question, it was something I never expected when I started this journey, Aaron. The ironies in this book and what has happened in my life recently, frankly are spooky. Abigail, my main heroine in the story, is from Boston, as was my mom. Abigail loses her mother to cancer as I did my mom. Throughout writing this story over an eight-month period, my mom sort of took on the role of my editor. It was a beautiful time for her and I. We laughed and cried through the process. My mom passed away the week after we completed the book. Needless to say it was beyond heartbreaking. My life has not been the same since and not sure it ever will. When my novel was published, the road of edits began. I had to make some changes to Abigail’s outlook on the loss of her mother because now I was writing it from a much realer perspective unfortunately.

Aaron: Did you feel close to your mother during the novel? In what ways?

Elizabeth: Absolutely…I felt as if I was writing for her most of the time. I would write one page, print it and she would sit and read it right away. I would anxiously await her reaction. She was my inspiration.

Aaron: Your novel revolves around the Salem Witch trials. Why do you think witch-burning was a part of our collective history? And why do you think it stopped?

Elizabeth: That’s such an interesting question. You’re really making me think on this one. I think through history we as a society are fascinated with stories of trials and tribulations. I think anytime you cannot fully explain or understand an event that had consisted of unfortunate bloodshed it creates a frenzy of rumored curiosity.

As for why it stopped, there are a few records indicating that the Governor of Massachusetts, Sir William Phipps, was the man who eventually stopped the trials. He turned a blind eye to the brutal killings until finally his own wife was accused. You can imagine how quickly it was all brought to a halt.

Aaron: While you were working on The Summerland, you met a girl who looked exactly like your main character, Abigail Parker. Tell us a little about what happened and what that led to.

Elizabeth: Yes it was crazy! I was at a Waffle House and there was a teenage girl that looked exactly as I pictured Abigail to look. I approached her–I’m sure she thought I was crazy. I told her I was writing a book and she looked just like I had pictured my Abigail. She smiled huge and said that she was moving to LA to be an actress and that she wanted to keep in touch with me in case the book would ever be made into a movie. This was two-and-a-half years ago and we are still friends. We are waiting patiently for the book to be a movie and her adorable face as Abigail. 😉

Aaron: Your cover is striking. Where did you get the wonderful picture of the tree and what is its significance?

Elizabeth: Aw… Thank you, Aaron. I love the cover as well. I found the tree on i-stock and my publisher had the graphic artists do their magic. The meaning of the tree is one that was important to the story. The accused during the trials were hung on a large Oak Tree. It was sad to see such a beautiful, strong tree to be used as a killing machine. To have its magnificent branches strapped with nooses to take a life. I wanted to picture the Oak as it should be and that’s glorious and strong.

Aaron: Okay, girlfriend, your website rocks the party, rocks the party right! How did you get such an amazing website? Amazingly amazing. I’m amazed. Cheryl’s website (heads-up; music plays when you click the link).

Elizabeth: Really?! You thought it was amazing? I am a green pea at making websites and I’m learning as I go. Thanks for the props though on finding a way to stick my website in the article!

Aaron: If I traveled back in time to 1692, I would miss the following things: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yeah, try to burn Willow, I dare you), bicycles, Pellegrino, decaf coffee with Silk brand soy creamer, modern Mexican food, and hot tubs. What would you miss?

Elizabeth: Haha… I would miss, black and white Starbucks coffees, Bloody Marys, True Blood, showers with body wash, straightening iron, and sushi.

Aaron: If you could bring any of the characters in your book to life, who would you choose and why? Man, that is such an awesome question, I want to answer it, but I’ll restrain myself.

Elizabeth: Hmmmm that is a good question! I would bring Mary Elizabeth, I think. She is so wise and I could learn so much from her. Plus, she could teach me to time travel!

Aaron: Okay, last question, though I’m still hung-up on the question from before. I so impress myself. Let’s say you and Abigail teamed up to bring a group of people from 1692 forward in time to the present day for a weekend. Where would you take them? What would you do?

Elizabeth: Oh Geez…. Let’s see. I would take them to San Francisco for sure. They would be in shock if they saw our advances in technology. And I would take them on a Cable Car ride through the hills. We would eat clam chowder on the wharf and end the weekend on a ferry ride to Alcatraz stopping for pictures under the Golden Gate Bridge. It would be breathtaking.

Thanks so much, Elizabeth!  Had a great time!

The Summerland Novel page
Elizabeth on Goodreads
Elizabeth’s guest post on this blog: The Demons of Addiction
Elizabeth’s Crescent Moon Press page